Conrad the Contrarian: The tiny towns of Denmark & More News Here

Most of my job is performing stand-up comedy exhibits for folks privately at their properties or companies, and plenty of of these are far out in rural Denmark. My life as a humorist takes me to some tiny towns and, consider me, there are loads of them in Denmark. 

Road journey to the darkish facet
These faraway areas have many names: udkantsdanmark, Lars Tyndskids Mark or Where the Bonderøv dwell. In 2021, regardless of the pandemic, I nonetheless travelled nearly 11,500km inside Denmark (additional than Copenhagen to Buenos Aires) and far of that was out in the center of nowhere. A affirmation exterior Bastrup, a competition on Anholt, a faculty by a lake in Glamsbjerg … my specialist topic on any quiz present would undoubtedly should be: Danish motorways and how you can get misplaced utilizing Google Maps.

Even my dwelling of Aarhus, the second largest metropolis, looks like a village on a worldwide scale. It has a inhabitants of roughly 350,000, but nonetheless smells like farm and moist pigs each time the aeroplane door opens.

There are some gems, I gained’t lie. I’ve been shocked by the magnificence of Ribe or the views in Faaborg. 

But I’ve additionally seen the darkish facet of udkantsdanmark: the deathly boring centres of tiny towns. Places the place there are actually seven homes standing round a Circle Ok. Towns the place the native bus comes each three weeks. Towns the place you see the curtains twitch in the homes as the native folks peep out to see who you might be (as a result of the final customer was in 1997).

Taken for a experience in Anholt  
While some villages are terrified of guests, others desperately wish to appeal to them.

On the island of Anholt (136 folks) I couldn’t assist really feel there have been an awfully giant quantity of ‘museums’ in the native city contemplating how few folks lived there. I visited a pair and realised they weren’t museums in any respect, they had been simply homes with issues inside. Clearly, the villagers had bought collectively to spice up the island’s tourism and determined that something may qualify as a museum. 

“Søren, you have a lot of teaspoons. Put them all on your dinner table, stick a sign outside the front door and charge people 120 kroner to come in. ‘Det Gamle Anholt Teskemuseum’, perfect.” 

“Birgitte, that isn’t just a garden, now it’s the ‘Verdensberømte Anholt Grøntsagshave’. Fill some old glass bottles with soda from SuperBrugsen and tell them it’s økologisk hjemmelavet limonade – you’ll be driving a Porsche by the end of the summer.” 

There actually must be some authorities company holding these tiny towns accountable. Anholt would have a inhabitants near zero in any case the arrests.

No pizzas de résistance
Some small towns aren’t fortunate sufficient to even have something attention-grabbing sufficient to show right into a museum. Instead, the beating coronary heart of city is a rundown pizzeria/grill. 

You’re assured to have the worst pizza of your life in these locations. On the street, determined for meals, I’ve all too typically fallen for the lure of ordering meals from these locations. The type of small city pizza the place luminous orange oil drips from each slice.

It’s exhausting to journey to so many tiny locations, but in addition unbelievable to carry out for thus many various folks. In truth, I actually have gotten to see most of the nation. 

And sure, I do have an 80 kroner Anholt Teskemuseum køleskabsmagnet on my fridge.

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