Ask a cat is a new advice column featured in Alaska Landmine. Do you have a question for the Cat? Email [email protected] to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Hello cat,
I have a dog, but my boyfriend has a shy cat. The two don’t know each other yet and my boyfriend is worried that the dog might chase and scare the cat away from him. He is now avoiding the problem and making excuses as to why the dog and the cat cannot meet. How do you suggest I convince him to approach this?
Dear Human,
Cat suspects that there are underlying relationship issues at play. Also, as can be assumed, I am on the side of my feline brothers. The burden of proof that your dog will not physically or emotionally harm your cat is on you. You say your boyfriend is avoiding trouble, but have you made an effort to show how you’ll practically handle an overzealous mutt who can tear up his precious kitty? Have you demonstrated your dog’s ability to control himself, not steal kibble and not take your cat’s toys? Demonstrating your dog’s good training and the effort he has put in can ease his nerves.
It is also possible that the cat represents your emotional unavailability. It also does not mention if they both had their respective partners before they became a couple. Did you get a dog without first passing it through the scratching post? If so, perhaps the dog represents that you do not consider your partner in your long-term plans.
In the end, Cat’s opinion is that rarely a dog person and a cat person coexist peacefully in the long term. Thoughts and purrs finding out that.
dear cat,
If the legislature is not allowed to use the TikTok app on their devices, how do we expect them to learn new dance moves, cooking techniques, and manage our state effectively?
Sincerely,
worried sourdough
Dear sourdough human,
Cat finds the majority of the local legislature offensive to dignity and intelligence in general. He suspects that they are mostly “dog people”. They pout and complain about losing access to the clock app on their government-issued devices. Don’t these dingleberries have their own devices? Should we subsidize their dance moves? Is there someone prominent in local government that Cat would like to see on the interwebs? Cat thinks not. If they had ever run the state effectively in the first place, Cat might pay attention to their howls. Unfortunately, I see this as a much-needed opportunity to develop character from a bunch of deplorable dachshunds and snowflake Samoyeds.
dear cat,
On New Years I ended up at a different party as my boyfriend. Late at night, a drunk acquaintance kissed me. I immediately stopped him and left the party. I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I was afraid it would upset him and frankly I didn’t think he needed to know. I don’t think he did anything wrong that night, but a friend strongly believes that I was wrong not to tell my boyfriend. What does the cat think?
Dear Human,
Cat thinks you should get in your time machine and tell your boyfriend what happened as soon as it happened… unless you’re not as innocent as you say. But let’s put that sentiment aside for now.
For the sake of your answer, let’s assume that you are not guilty in this incident, since I have no evidence to the contrary. While Cat appreciates mystery and a general sense of detachment, there is a time and a place. If he truly values his relationship and is willing to take his acquaintance with a firm foot, I advise him to come clean. An unwanted kiss makes you the victim of this event, and Cat firmly believes that you have nothing to fear from a sympathetic response from your partner. Feeling violated often takes time to process, and hopefully your partner will be understanding of this situation.
No one deserves to be drooled on without consent.
Thoughts from the cat’s mailbox:
This week I got a very sad question from a sad human being who was complaining that 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo would (probably) never run his hands through his hair and reassure him that everything would be fine. Cat appreciates that sometimes we all need a warm bed and a scratch behind the ears. I send everyone catnip wishes and sunspot nap dreams.
El Gato was born and raised in Alaska. Cat enjoys kibble, naps, and telling humans how to live their lives.